so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
