Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
