i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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