I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize