he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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