It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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