She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
