STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We talked him into tasing himself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
