Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
