I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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