Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
