I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
