My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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