He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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