Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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