At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
