He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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