Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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