and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
