my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
