do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
