Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
