Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
