Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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