Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
