plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
