Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
