his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
