What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize