is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
