Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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