why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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