This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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