I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
