party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
