I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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