Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
