Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
