i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize