question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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