Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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