woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im holly from the hills drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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