yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
