I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
