your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
