how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
