I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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