someone threw a dead crab at me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
