Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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