bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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