Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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