At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
