I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
