so explain again why im purple
no
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
