I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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