Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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