So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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