I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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