Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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