Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
