If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
