one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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