SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
