i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
