The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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