i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
