Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
